Has anyone ever wasted their time with someone romantically or FWB (friends with benefits) wise who doesn’t truly respect them? I mean deep down inside you that the guy does respect you because he’s basically telling this in his actions. The things people say to you suck. I feel it was probably easier for to write off and walk away from that crap because the other guys weren’t physically attractive(yes that’s really superficial). I’m so weird and awkward that I always attracted goofy guys who were usually gamers. It was easier for me to think “Hey I’m doing better than him”. I never really brought them by to meet my parents because I knew it was a mistake deep done inside. Then last year I felt I finally met the right guy, attractive, nice, paid for dinner and appeared to respect me but over later it’s just FWB thing again. It sucks because  I keep messing up with my choice in men, jobs and I feel every aspect of my life. I think all of this doesn’t help when I get depressed and lately it’s been really obvious that I’m down. I mean I’m barely eating, I can’t sleep and I feel like crying everyday I go to work. I know this all first world problem stuff which makes feel worse. All the things going on in the world and I pray that God’s going to help little Natasha with man problems, finding the write job and not feeling like chewed gum on the bottom of a shoe. I know and need a lot of faith in God because I feel like I’m not going to make it. Everyone wants me to stick with it jobwise but I don’t know what else I can do with my life. I don’t know. I know I’m meant to more with my life but I’m scared to take leap of faith. I’ve always been afraid I have only two good friends  and I have immediate family in Florida where I live but maybe I should find a job somewhere else and move. People do it everyday, maybe I can be one of those people.

I’ve done the same thing workwise, relationship wisefor too long  I just want to give up on everything this. This BTW is the most personal blog I’ve written since I don’t talk about relationships in my life. Thanks for reading and comment if you like.

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