I woke up at 6 a.m. and I’d had two dreams one where I was at the movies and the other some guys tried to break into my parents house. The break in dream sounds pretty significant. I really want to be a writer so badly, I mean I want to get paid to write. I want to wake up knowing I feel GREAT going to my career and not just when I receive my paycheck every other Thursday. I feel like I prayed to God for a job that I thought was going to good for me but all I’ve felt since starting my job was fear, sadness, depression and shame that I feel this way. I mean I prayed and read different Bible verses and I’m scared I’m going to screw up so badly that I’m going to lose this job. My mom told she can’t protect me anymore and that this fear and anxiety just needs to stop. It sucks. I felt like yesterday was one the worst days of my life and I prayed really hard or maybe not hard enough. My 34th birthday is in two weeks and I want some much more I’m tired of being depressed and sad all the time. I can’t get an appointment with my clinical social worker for weeks. I just feel like I’m going to break. Update my mom just told to stop being nervous because I have bachelors degree from a good university and God helped me get through college and that took me 10 years. IDK maybe I wait too late to pray and God’s like “Geez she shouldn’t ask for that because I’ve got something a lot better waiting for her. Oh well, I’ll give her what she thinks she wants BUT this will lead to what she needs.” IDK I’m just saying but I hope that this job leads to another blessing soon maybe I’ll strike a conversation with someone and that WILL lead to a better for ME.